The Days Go By
by Louise North
Summary: Days pass and Remus and Sirius settle into a routine of lusting and loving and longing and crying until one night Sirius wants a new routine.


The Days Go By

It is in the mornings, when Remus steps between the hangings of his bed, hair tousled, eyes bleary and voice husky with sleep that Sirius wants him most. He wonders what he has been dreaming of but every morning, the question sticks to his lips for fear of the answer. He wants it to be him but knows it is not. And every morning he looks for as long as he can get away with it before running off to take a shower. A very cold shower. And it is when the achingly freezing water cascades over his body that he allows himself to think of Remus. This is the only time he can let go and freely think about him, not like during the day when he risks the embarrassing blush creeping up his cheeks or having to cross his legs awkwardly to hide an erection after Remus has stretched in his chair.

It is in the mornings, when Sirius comes out of the shower, dripping and flushed, searching through his mess for a clean shirt that Remus wants him most. He tries hard not to think about Sirius in the shower in the presence of his roommates but doesn't bother trying not to admire Sirius's body as he wanders around in just a towel, droplets of water sliding down the taught, tanned flesh. Remus smiles to himself as Sirius haphazardly throws jumpers and hats and underwear across the room, sniffing a shirt and casting it aside.

It is during the day that Sirius is most content. Content to sit in History of Magic, admiring the furrow in Remus's brown when he is thinking, content to sit sleepily tracing the same 5 letters into his desk so many times he thinks the name must be engraved into the wood by now. Remus, Remus, Remus, Remus, Remus. His fingers trace the name over and over and by the end of the lesson his finger is shiny with varnish from the wood.

It is during the day that Remus is most content. Content to lose himself in his studies and only allow himself a fleeting thought of Sirius. Content to just sneak quick glances from under his fringe to see Sirius smiling to himself as he daydreams, or laughing at one of James's jokes, and he can smile and pretend the laugh, or the twinkle in Sirius's eye is just for him. During the day Remus is content just to love Sirius in the quiet corners of his mind.

It is in the evenings that Sirius is the most miserable, tired of longing for something he cannot have. This when he throws himself from skin to skin, though they do nothing to dull his pain. The faces of the various girls melting into one another, all the same and none of them Moony.

It is in the evenings that Remus is the most miserable, he watches glumly as Sirius smiles and winks and flirts, consumed with jealousy and tired of watching all he's ever longed for contradicted night after night. He sits, trying to lose himself in homework, gripping a book with white knuckles and staring at the page without reading it.

And it is at night, at night when Sirius squeezes his eyes shut so he can pretend he is kissing Moony instead, and at night when Remus squeezes his eyes shut so he can stop the tears from coursing down his cheeks that both of them wish they felt differently.

But this night is different. This is the night when Sirius has stomped back to the dorm after another night at the astronomy tower that only left him feeling empty and lonely and more confused that ever, he will creep over to Remus's bed instead of his own. This night the sparkling grey eyes will meet the red rimmed brown ones in understanding and the tentative lips will meet in gentle longing and sweet words and sweet kisses and the sweetness of lying tangled together in each others arms overwhelms them and they sleep. Their breathing synchronized, in and out, in and out, as one. And _this_ morning when they wake, they do not feel lust, and this afternoon they do not feel content, and this evening they do not feel miserable. Now they only feel love, all-consuming and beautiful and the day passes by more easily and more happily than either of them can ever remember.


End file.
